Over the last few years when I have talked about our meal planning and shopping or the way that we eat as a (fairly) big family and on a budget people look at me like I’m a teensy bit crazy.

Um … they’re probably right.

But – then I get a bajillion questions and I feel like I never get to answer them completely.

So here, in one place, I’ve brought it all together.

How we plan and how we approach food and feeding at our place.

Please let me be very clear – I know this won’t work for everyone. But this is what works well for us. There are 6 of us. The biggest ones can EAT. Seriously 😳 My husband works full time and I work two jobs. We both volunteer with our Church and sports. We want to fit in exercise and gardening and then there is allllllll of the stuff that comes with 4  VERY active children! And on top of that – we also have food allergies, fears and sensory issues to deal with, so eating out or grabbing food on the fly doesn’t always work (or suit our budget!).

Firstly. I write a menu and do a grocery shop for a fortnight. It looks a bit like this (actually at the moment, it isn’t footy season so it’s missing a weekend game and 2 training sessions!!):

You can check out this previous post about how I actually shop and budget.

You don’t feel like the thing on the menu for that night? No worries – There are plenty of other meals to choose from, so switch it up!

I talk to the kids as I’m writing it and we all give ideas as a family about what we like and are enjoying at the moment – they feel included and it helps me out not having to come up with all of the ideas!

It makes sure that it takes into account what activities we have on each day, what our work loads look like and any major things on that month. No good planning a 3 course meal for dinner and then only having 20 minutes at home in between gymnastics and jujitsu to make it!

You’ll see that we have a deliberate plan to eat left-overs (usually Sunday night) so that we reduce any food waste.

How do we eat as a family?

• We aim to eat a variety of foods, especially plant based foods. Fruit, veg, beans and lentils, nut and seeds, whole grains etc. We try to limit too many ultra processed foods, processing in and of itself isn’t a bad thing
• We eat a rainbow of natural colour! Lots of variety, fruits, veg and all manner of plants – raw, cooked, mixed in and visible. Make it a challenge to eat the most colours and variety. Don’t forget that frozen fruit and veg and tinned beans etc can be a great, simple, budget friendly option to help you out here.

  

• When we eat meat we don’t have huge portions and we don’t make it the focus of the meal – more like a side. And we bulk up the  meal with mushrooms, beans and veg as much as possible. It is very easy to get enough protein in the western world, but as a nation we don’t do well at eating enough veg or getting enough fibre (so critical to our health and wellbeing) so this is a good way to encourage it.

  

• As parents, we are in charge. We make the food decisions in our  house. I absolutely get that this one is controversial. And if you are going to make changes to align with this – it will take time and there will be resistance. And yes, I completely understand that this will change as the children get older (they range from 10 to 16 right now). But, I have a better idea of what their nutritional needs are. If there is food that I don’t want them to eat, I do not buy it. It’s too hard to have it in the house and then have to police it – I’m not creating opportunities for battles when there is no need. For example – I don’t want to them drink milo all the time so we don’t buy it, but it is at Nanna’s house and they have it there each week. It’s not “bad” or out of bounds, it’s just not an all the time thing in our home.
• We subscribe very much to a ‘We provide, they decide’ approach to eating. You can check out more from Ellyn Satter  about the division of food responsibilities. This does mean that our children have the right to decide if they eat and how much they eat of the meals provided. BUT there are NO alternatives. The family meal is the family meal. This removes pressure and battles from meal time. There is no coercion around food or finishing everything on their plates. We model the food and eating behaviours we want them to share, and over time they learn to trust and listen to their bodies, serve themselves and and make good food choices. We do a lot of placing everything in the middle and letting them serve themselves. Below are rice paper wraps, fish wedges and salad, Mexican wraps/bowls plus nuggets and veg

• We are aware of our kids likes/dislike and food preferences around textures (due to ASD and SPD) etc – But that does not mean that we simply stop serving the foods that one of them dislikes. We do talk to them when we’re creating our menu and take their input. Then they know that there is lots of food coming up that they do enjoy. If we are serving a meal that we know is not a favourite, we make sure that there are some things on the plate that they are comfortable with. If we are serving up a new meal (and one I suspect will not be well received!) I make sure that a small portion of it is on the plate (simply having the food near them helps with exposure and familiarity) but kept a bit separate from the other familiar food. Below is when we introduced mushroom stroganoff – all in one for the adults and separately, without pressure for the kids.

New meals – mushroom stroganoff for the adults

Mushroom stroganoff for the kids.

• We encourage our kids to be involved with food, right from growing our veggies and helping with the gardening to helping us to prepare and serve the food.

• We allow and encourage food exploration. Touching, poking, licking, sniffing … all fine (at our home dinner table!). Also we talk about our food in a way that removes pressure: What colour it is? Does it crunch or squish when you bite it? It is different cooked to raw? Could you make you name with it or make a face?

• Food is not ‘good or bad’. It is not a moral choice. We do talk about what food gives us and how it makes us feel – this food will give me lots of protein and help me build up my muscles. This food will give me good energy to get through a long gymnastics session. This food has lots of fibre and it will help me to poop (always a favourite topic for kids!). If I eat too much of this food my tummy doesn’t feel good. We also talk about our favourite foods and our special memories around food – after all food is about far more than just nutrients!

• We keep food really simple. We eat a lot of food that looks like this (you’ll see in our menu that we call them ‘serve yourself platters’):

• The kids are not free to just help themselves whenever they want and we don’t keep lots packaged and ‘easy’ snacks. There are (reasonably) defined meal and snack times. After which the kitchen is closed. This helps them to learn to listen to their bodies and actually be ready to eat properly at meal times. Kids (and adults!) don’t actually need to graze all day long. Of course there are times when then there needs to be an exception – if they ask, they know they can usually grab an apple or a carrot. ***EDIT on living with very big teenage boys – With unusual training and work schedules now, the 2 biggest ones have more free range in the kitchen to feed themselves. The standard things always on offer to them to eat are crackers (large multigrain rice/corn/quinoa cakes that they love) and cheese, fruit and veg, high protein yoghurt, eggs, milk (good grief, the milk!!!), roasted almonds and edamame, some dried fruits and we also have protein powder for them to add to smoothies with milk, frozen berries and bananas and seed butter.
• We cook in bulk and freeze. There are deliberate left-overs to make filling lunches and batch cooking allows the main part of the meal to be used in different ways, with very little effort on my part!

Bulk bolognese gets turned into a 2nd meal of empanadas

• We make school lunches the night before, for kids and adults alike. No exceptions. I cannot even fathom the stress of making 6 lunches in the morning whilst getting ready for school and work, getting washing on the line and starting dinner. Eek! Made the night before I have space to think about it, make sure is is varied and I sleep easier knowing is it one less job in the morning!

• We snack plan/prep. As well as having a meal menu, we always have snack basics in the house ready to go.  It means that we can eat well with little fuss. Our go to snacks are lots of veggies and fruit then we add things like hummus, yoghurt, bliss balls, roasted almonds, hard boiled eggs, pikelets and popcorn.

So there is it.

We plan, we prepare, we eat simply, we eat variety that is heavily plant-based.

Importantly, our kids are involved with the food at all stages but we do not pressure them about food or force them to eat it. Parents decide what’s on offer, we give them opportunity to serve and explore, we model healthy eating behaviours but food is not a battle ground!

If you have made it to the end … well done! I know it seems confronting when you see it all  together. Can I encourage you if you are feeling overwhelmed to start simply. Pick one thing and go for it. Small changes really add up over time. Get your family involved and work on it together!

Good luck – I’m always here to answer questions!

J x